R.I.P Kiyah

I remember sitting at the table with my siblings.

Sitting at the table, talking with each other and nibbling.

Then our mom came downstairs, telling us she was expecting.

I didn’t know how to feel, my feelings were affected.

For 9 months, I couldn’t wait to be a big brother again.

Absorbing everything I needed to know into my brain.

I couldn’t wait to teach my little sister everything I knew.

Like how to play video games and why you shouldn’t eat glue.

Then that’s when I got the news.

I couldn’t believe it, I wish it was untrue.

She died right at birth, she didn’t even get a chance at life.

I wanted to die at that moment, don’t care if it was by a gun or knife.

I didn’t want to go to the funeral. My heart was in too many little pieces.

The rage inside me kept increasing.

I cried and cried, wishing she got a chance.

But I knew I had to keep going, I had to advance.

4 years later, I’m still wishing I had her in person.

I thought the depression would worsen.

But I have her urn so she’s still with me.

I’ll never forget you Kiyah. R.I.P.

I gotta ask myself one question.

What would it be like if Kiyah survived?

This question got me dealing with depression.

This question is making me not wanna be alive.

If she survived, what would I teach her?

I had so much, what would I start with?

When she died, all that knowledge became a blur.

I want her back alive, that’s my only wish.

It’s no point in wishing though.

Wishes are fake just like a lot of things.

All I can do is let the tears flow.

And continue to go on with the things I care about as my wings.